{"id":18,"date":"2006-01-21T13:14:43","date_gmt":"2006-01-21T18:14:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.fanless.com\/blog\/2006\/01\/21\/the-1-reason-to-not-hang-out-on-south-beach-if-youre-a-local-and-a-prude-i-guess\/"},"modified":"2006-01-21T13:24:19","modified_gmt":"2006-01-21T18:24:19","slug":"the-1-reason-to-not-hang-out-on-south-beach-if-youre-a-local-and-a-prude-i-guess","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.torianus.com\/blog\/2006\/01\/21\/the-1-reason-to-not-hang-out-on-south-beach-if-youre-a-local-and-a-prude-i-guess\/","title":{"rendered":"The #1 reason to not hang out on South Beach if you’re a local (and a prude, I guess)."},"content":{"rendered":"

I woke up this morning and I was instantly bored. I checked the innernets, but it was too early for fresh content, and I had stayed up too late reading everything I had missed during the week. I thought about walking over to the beach, but it wasn’t enticing enough for me to leave my abode. Everyone with snow and ice on the ground is like OMG I would kill to be on the beach right now!!!, but not me.
\nI think the beach is pretty boring. I suppose it’s ok if you go with friends, but to go alone is just too mellow for me. And when you’re a local, especially an expatriate from Central Washington State, there are certain perils that come with visiting South Beach that a person might not think of. Allow me to indulge…
\nPeople tend to show a lot of skin on South Beach and that’s one of the properties that makes it so great. If you feel like seeing bare boobies, you walk over to the beach, and there you go. But this is where problems can arise. Say you’re walking along the beach, minding your own business, not even trying to look at boobs, and all of a sudden you hear “Christian! CHRISTIAN!!!” and you’re like, “What? Is someone calling me??” and you look around to see one of your friends jogging over to meet you at the water’s edge. You talk with your friend for a minute or two and they invite you back to their spot on the beach to hang out for a bit. You oblige, being that you have nothing better to do, and then you’re introduced to your friend’s new girlfriend. And that’s when you realize that she’s topless and you’re very thankful you spent the extra $10 for mirrored lenses on your sunglasses!
\nOR WORSE…! Imagine bumping into your boss\/doctor\/mail man\/banker\/professor\/member of the clergy\/whoever and they’re topless or wearing a Speedo! TALK ABOUT AWKWARD!!
\nNow, I’m sure that my upbringing has something to do with my prudeness and such, but I’m sure I’m not the only person who finds it hard to keep the same level of respect for a person once you’ve seen them in such a state of undress.
\nAnyways, I didn’t go to the beach this morning, so here are 3 pictures I took on the beach on January 1st.
\n\"Click<\/a> \"Click<\/a> \"Click<\/a><\/p>\n

\n <\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I woke up this morning and I was instantly bored. I checked the innernets, but it was too early for fresh content, and I had stayed up too late reading everything I had missed during the week. I thought about walking over to the beach, but it wasn’t enticing enough for me to leave my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true},"categories":[],"tags":[11,2],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4uym-i","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":808,"url":"https:\/\/www.torianus.com\/blog\/2008\/01\/09\/dave-attell-at-the-south-beach-comedy-festival\/","url_meta":{"origin":18,"position":0},"title":"Dave Attell at the South Beach Comedy Festival","date":"January 9, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Dear internet, I am wanting to see Dave Attell at the South Beach Comedy Festival next week, but I don't want to go alone. Do you want to go with me?? Tickets are not exactly cheap, but I imagine it will be worth it. And if you have a hook-up\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"comedy\"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":888,"url":"https:\/\/www.torianus.com\/blog\/2008\/06\/06\/this-aint-south-beach\/","url_meta":{"origin":18,"position":1},"title":"This ain’t South Beach!","date":"June 6, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"This ain't South Beach!, originally uploaded by FANLESS.","rel":"","context":"Similar post","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1107,"url":"https:\/\/www.torianus.com\/blog\/2009\/04\/25\/sunrise-on-south-beach\/","url_meta":{"origin":18,"position":2},"title":"Sunrise on South Beach!","date":"April 25, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Sunrise on South Beach!, originally uploaded by FANLESS.","rel":"","context":"Similar post","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":455,"url":"https:\/\/www.torianus.com\/blog\/2007\/03\/16\/live-from-south-beach\/","url_meta":{"origin":18,"position":3},"title":"Live from South Beach.","date":"March 16, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Live from South Beach., originally uploaded by FANLESS. Melissa!","rel":"","context":"In \"Uncategorized\"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1111,"url":"https:\/\/www.torianus.com\/blog\/2009\/04\/30\/gym-class-heroes-at-the-clevelander-on-south-beach\/","url_meta":{"origin":18,"position":4},"title":"Gym Class Heroes at the Clevelander on South Beach!","date":"April 30, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Gym Class Heroes at the Clevelander on South Beach!, originally uploaded by FANLESS.","rel":"","context":"Similar post","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":105,"url":"https:\/\/www.torianus.com\/blog\/2006\/04\/21\/south-beach-breakfast\/","url_meta":{"origin":18,"position":5},"title":"South Beach Breakfast!","date":"April 21, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Just incase anyone is mistaken and actually thinks I might be Bruce Willis or something, (I'm not!) this is (was) my breakfast today. (this is where you chime in with \"zOMG NO WONDER YOU'RE SO FAT!!\" and such.)","rel":"","context":"In \"IRL\"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"builder_content":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.torianus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.torianus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.torianus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.torianus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.torianus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.torianus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.torianus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.torianus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.torianus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}