As part of the Miami Cross Blogination project, Manola 180 risked life and limb to catch the elusive Fanless on IM! Finally, South Beach’s sexiest Mexican bares all in a sensitive, heartfelt interview.

Manola: Fanless, you’ve reached over 200,000 hits. WTF?

First of all, I hit over 200,000 hits way back in like 1996. But recently I acquired 200,000 hits in one month! So, obviously, counting all of those hits has taken up a lot of my time. And do you know how hard it is to count to 200,000+ when you only have 10 fingers and 10 toes to count on?? It ain’t easy, let me tell ya!

Manola: Yet, your reputation for giving great photoshop jobs precums you. What was the worst evar photoshop job you had to do? More spermifically, did it involve pubic hairs from a dood?

I have definitely had to tame my fair share of dick fur, but that doesn’t bother me too much. I mean, I don’t enjoy it, but it doesn’t annoy me nearly as much as asinine retouching requests. I’m talking about stuff that doesn’t make a blonde cunt hair’s difference, but the client keeps sending the image back until it is EXACTLY how they want it. I’m like, “Look, you’re not going to get booked for that Guess Jeans job just because there’s a fucking extra inch of fence in the background of your picture, ok? You might want to lay off of the Häagen-Dazs if you’re looking for ways to boost your bookability.” There’s a saying in the trade that goes like this… “You can’t polish a turd!”

Manola: Hmm. We’re all crazy about you, but move over Fanless. How about LAWLESS? An insider from The Fart Deco Preservation Society leaked some confidential information about a cease and desist letter on the usage of GREEN and PINK. It’s also rumored that an attorney-at-flaw wants to fajita-grill your ass for giving his daughter an overdose of javascript that ended in prophylactic seizures. Supp?

I’m on beer # 2.5. Can I get drnk before answering that?

Manola: Oh nose! Hey, you needn’t go into detail … next question! You are the most elusive, least photographed celebrity hunted by the paparazzi! How do you do it? Personally, I’ve been stalking you every time you’ve ordered an over-priced quesadilla at News Café, but you slide in and out like a tequila-lubricated one-night stand!

Yeah, ya know… Haters all around, I tell ya. Here’s the thing… I do my thing, and people bitch about it. Even if it doesn’t have anything to do with them. And then I’ll stop doing my thing and people start to bitch, saying they’ve got to get theirs too. And I’m like… Pick a lane, Ed! One or the other already! AND THEN people are gonna try to blame ME for their mental issues? HELLO? The shit goes all blinky/shaky/blinding/whatever for a reason! Hell yeah people are gonna trip! That’s the point! People try to shit on me, and I just try to stay on top and keep smiling. Life is like fucking a fat girl… Sometimes it can be easy to lose your focus and forget what you’re aiming for. All you gotta do is roll her in flour and go for the wet spot!

Manola: South Beach wouldn’t be the same without Fanless. What’s next for the Fanless we all adore?

I lay low out of necessity! It’s actually necessary for me to lay low for 2 reasons… I gotta stay true to what I know, and I can’t be having people trying to steal my flower! And they try too! Everywhere I go, lovely ladies (and sometimes twinks!) be trying to get my attention and that usually leads to them trying to trick me into stanking them. That ain’t what I’m all about, ya know! I ain’t married and what not. Of course, on the flip side I gotta lay low because this is South Beach! If you’re sober enough to keep half an eyelid open you’re gonna see hot chicks! And.. Ya know… I’m a man! A man with a thang! When I see lovely South Beach ladies, my thang tries to get a look too! And I can’t be seen in public with Rusty Johnson standing at attention, know what I’m saying? People will point and stare and some women would straight pass out if they saw that. Trust me, it’s happened before! Police were called and stuff. It’s just easier for me to stay home with my innernets and television and stuff. It’s really best for everyone.

Manola: Dude, what the Torianus.com was that all about?

Oh, sorry! What’s next? I dunno… Hey, do you have a little sister??

We know you can’t get enough of Fanless. Catch him today at Miami Vegan!

blogination, miami,, interview