Aug 8 2006

Maybe it’s Mickey!

Andrejko caught a mouse in the office today! It’s pretty much the smallest mouse I have ever seen. On the farm we would see all kinds of field mice but they were always a lot bigger than this one. Maybe it was just a baby or something. The feally funny thing was that Mike was seriously afraid of it. Andrejko chased him all over with it and Mike kept running away. What a pussy!

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Aug 7 2006

What are you even thinking??

A fair percentage of our cliental at work consists of zOMG SO HAWT models. Today one such client was at the front counter. Some jackass guy walking down Washington saw her, called the number on our sign, and asked to speak to “the girl in the green shirt and white pants”. Are you kidding me? Are you fucking drnk?? What a dickfur! If you want to talk to some chick, TALK TO HER! Don’t bother/involve us with your macking game! It was kind of awesome because the girl didn’t want anything to do with the guy.
We seriously need our own reality tv show.
On another work related note… Gustavo and Blanca (nobody ever calls her by her name… They always call her “Bianca” or “Maria”. I have no idea why, and she never has the heart to correct them.) are in Guatemala so Andrejko has been filling in. The first day they were gone Andrejko and I both showed up wearing old Lazerland shirts. It was kind of funny. It’s kind of like the boss at Pizza Hut going on vacation, so people show up wearing Rustica shirts.

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Aug 7 2006

a 2nd plane has crashed into my internet zOMG!!!

Dear Innernets,
Can someone please translate (at least loosely) these comments for me? I don’t want terrorists flying airplanes into my blog!
Love, Christian.

Dear people leaving comments with funny writing,
I was just kidding about the terrorist bit. Plz 2b not coming to South Beach to seek revenge on me! ALLAH AKBAR!!
kthnxbi!
-Christian

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Aug 6 2006

The Miami Blogosphere Gathers

Can someone please clue me in as to what in the Tori Anus(.com!) this is all about? (I hope that’s not some s00per sekrit URL that is meant only for me and other members of the elite!)
It sounds like an event that I would be required/expected to wear more than cargo shorts and a t-shirt to. And I probably wouldn’t know anyone there and nobody would know me so I would probably just hang out in the corner, silently judging people while glaring and projecting thoughts of “DON’T YOU DARE JUDGE ME!! YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ME!!!!!zOMG!!” or something.
And since it’s on the beach and like 1 block away I can’t really use my excuse of “I don’t have a car/ride. Sorry!” to get out of it.
I will only show up if Amy promises to go and if I am allowed to wear my Etnies.

Speaking of Etnies… Two of my pictures are on Etnies’ site as part of a photo contest. I hope I win!! I could really use some new kicks.

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Aug 2 2006

ambient

I am hoping the Chris doesn’t come to town this weekend and knock out my satellite, causing me to miss any of the X Games!
On the other hand, I kind of hope Chris kicks some ass. You know, because Chris is such an awesome name!
I think I am now 25 days short of 1 year from when I became awesome and had my picture on CNN which started a deluge of emails saying “Someone with your name has a picture on CNN.comm zoMG!!”
I’d like to have that happen again this year, but not at the expense of having my power/innernets/TV/phone not working.
Speaking of innernets… When is the free Wi-Fi for Miami Beach going to start working?? I am checking every day and never finding anything.

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Jul 31 2006

Lump lingered last in line for brains…

Chesus Jerist! Why didn’t the innernets let me know that the President of the United States was eating at Joe’s Stone Crabs yesterday?
I hate you guys SO MUCH!!

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Jul 27 2006

Say it ain’t so, Floyd!!

zOMG CNN BREAKING NEWS!!

— Tour de France winner Floyd Landis fails drug test, his Phonak team says, according to media reports.

…and that’s exactly why I haven’t said peep about cycling in a long time. After Tyler Hamilton broke my heart, I decided I was kind of over cheering for pro cyclists. I have a feeling (nearly) EVERYONE is doping. It’s just that some can afford to take all of the measures to not get caught.
And if there ever was a guy that I wouldn’t think was doping, it’s Floyd. (and before that, Tyler!)

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Jul 26 2006

sweet jesus

Recent sanctions have prohibited me from posting the previous post.
Sorry.

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Jul 26 2006

it’s not your fault so plz stop your crying

Do you remember watching 8th & Ocean? DO you remember that girl that moved in with the rest of the girls in the last episode? I can’t remember her name and it’s killing me!! Oh, I think it’s Heidi or something.
Anyways, is she the girl in New Found Glory’s It’s Not You video??
If it is I will be proud of myself for spotting her because I’m usually pretty bad at that. Like tonight at the premiere of Miami Vice where celebrity after celebrity were getting out of limos on Pennsylvania and Lincoln road and I was always like “Who’s that??”. My own parents could walk by in front of me and I probably wouldn’t recognize them unless I was expecting them.
Oh, also… I keep forgetting to share this and I’ve known for more than a month… But there WILL be a 2nd season of 8th & Ocean!! H00RAY!!

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Jul 25 2006

Apple Store Pics

Here are some pics from the Lincoln Road Apple Store grand opening on Friday. I didn’t take these pics… I wasn’t even there. It’s an Apple store, ok? I’ve been to like 6 of them before. It’s not like I’m going to see something that I haven’t already seen. And it was raining. Do you think I want to stand in line in the rain to get into a store? I don’t think so! Mexicans melt in the rain!!
That’s about all I have to say about that. (Actually it’s not, but I’m going to bite my tongue about not seeing any zOMG hawt chyxXx0rZ in any of the pics, or how scary/uncool the whole demographic seems to be. I thought Macs were for cool kids??)

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Jul 19 2006

For real OH NOSE!!!


So, guess what happened at home while I was at work this morning…
If you see any crackheads running around South Beach with a Dell Latitude in hand, IT’S MINE!!

I can’t wait until they go back for the rest of my cool stuff.

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Jul 19 2006

so moist with anticipation!!


Click on the image to watch the trailer for Rath Films’ Too Weak to Walk. The intro is kind of funny, especially the lady that loses her hair.
But then it gets really good! How many MONTHS do I have to wait for this to reach South Beach? Life is so unfair!

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Jul 19 2006

The highlight of my evening… Chatting with a bot!

First of all, why is this annoying me so much? I haven’t left a comment yet, and likely won’t, but I can’t just let it go either. It will probably keep me from getting to sleep tonight. Someone needs to be schooled on how things are down here.

Unrelated:
I don’t chat very much, and when I do, it’s almost always initiated by the other person. If you ever want to chat with me, (and have me take you seriously) please know the difference between “your” and “you’re” and “they’re”, “their”, and “there”! Seriously!!
Having said that, here is my latest chatlog with a stranger. (as if I couldn’t see where this was going from the get-go!) It’s not overly lollers (I’ve had quite a few way funnier than this one) but it’s ok mainly because it’s short.

krazedagritator is currently not in your Messenger List.
Add to your Messenger List (Ctrl+Shift+A) Report as Spam (Alt+Shift+R)

krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:45:24 AM): hi… anyon there?
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:46:52 AM): well anywayy, guess your not there?
FANLESS (7/19/2006 12:47:24 AM): yes, hi.
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:47:28 AM): o your there hi…
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:48:23 AM): a/s/l (age sex location)?
FANLESS (7/19/2006 12:48:46 AM): 31/fat little boy/miami beach florida.
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:48:53 AM): im 27/f/USA. was lookin at your profile. thought you might like to chat.
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:49:04 AM): so what have you been up to fanless?
FANLESS (7/19/2006 12:49:11 AM): very little.
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:49:42 AM): cool. i was just hangin out watching tv. i was getting kinda horny (*blushes)
FANLESS (7/19/2006 12:49:59 AM): interesting
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:50:15 AM): feel like a liittle cyber fun with me ? please please…
FANLESS (7/19/2006 12:50:40 AM): i don’t think so.
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:51:07 AM): aalright how bout i get down on my knees in front of you and help you out of your pants?
FANLESS (7/19/2006 12:51:36 AM): that doesn’t sound very smart.
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:51:57 AM): tell me what you want me to do with yyou while i slip out of my panties
FANLESS (7/19/2006 12:52:44 AM): would your mother approve of that?
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:53:00 AM): oh yeahbabe.. dont stop. while i slide my hand down between my legs and part my moist lips
FANLESS (7/19/2006 12:54:09 AM): speaking of lips… Did you know that the tooth brush was invented in Oklahoma? If it had been invented anywhere else, they would have called it a “teeth brush”!
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:54:37 AM): oh it feels so good. Im holding your pulsing cock in my hand, my shiny red fingernails dig gently into your balls, while my full, soft lips engulf the mass of your meat
FANLESS (7/19/2006 12:55:03 AM): Meat? I am vegan!!
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:55:17 AM): open my website so you can look at me while im sucking you. use the link inmy profile!
FANLESS (7/19/2006 12:55:35 AM): I don’t have the innernets.
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:55:41 AM): what do you think of my pics?
FANLESS (7/19/2006 12:56:39 AM): I think they could use some adjustments with curves, levels, brightness/contrast, and hue/saturation. Oh, and a little smart sharpen too.
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:57:02 AM): shit the phone. dont stop strooking it. hold on…
FANLESS (7/19/2006 12:57:37 AM): how convenient!
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:57:57 AM): sorry, I have to take this call, probly take bout five minutes. If you want, come to my page and lets finish this. I have my cam on there cyberfungirls dot com look for me on there
FANLESS (7/19/2006 12:58:31 AM): o hay let me write that down!!

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Jul 18 2006

World Jump Day – July 20th, 11:39:13 GMT

Dear innernets,
I am writing you to inform/remind you that July 20th is World Jump Day! According to the website, if 600 million people in the western hemisphere jumped at the same moment, we would be able to change the Earth’s orbit enough to stop global warming (and some other things would happen).
I’m willing to do my part… Are you?
Thanks for your fealty!
-Christian

Oh, P.S.: You’re probably like “Hey, Christian… I thought you were fighting Global Warming by being cool??” Well, yeah… I am! Unfortunately, so many people are like “zOMG CHRISTIAN IS SO HOTT!!” that my coolness is being negated. Even when I turn the cool up to 11! I try to facilitate things by getting fatter and lazier, but it doesn’t seem to help. I’m sorry. I’m trying to do my part but I’m only one guy. Maybe if the rest of you were a little cooler then I wouldn’t have to run my AC 12 out of 12 months a year.

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