July 2006

Jul 31 2006

Lump lingered last in line for brains…

Chesus Jerist! Why didn’t the innernets let me know that the President of the United States was eating at Joe’s Stone Crabs yesterday?
I hate you guys SO MUCH!!

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Jul 27 2006

Say it ain’t so, Floyd!!

zOMG CNN BREAKING NEWS!!

— Tour de France winner Floyd Landis fails drug test, his Phonak team says, according to media reports.

…and that’s exactly why I haven’t said peep about cycling in a long time. After Tyler Hamilton broke my heart, I decided I was kind of over cheering for pro cyclists. I have a feeling (nearly) EVERYONE is doping. It’s just that some can afford to take all of the measures to not get caught.
And if there ever was a guy that I wouldn’t think was doping, it’s Floyd. (and before that, Tyler!)

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Jul 26 2006

sweet jesus

Recent sanctions have prohibited me from posting the previous post.
Sorry.

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Jul 26 2006

it’s not your fault so plz stop your crying

Do you remember watching 8th & Ocean? DO you remember that girl that moved in with the rest of the girls in the last episode? I can’t remember her name and it’s killing me!! Oh, I think it’s Heidi or something.
Anyways, is she the girl in New Found Glory’s It’s Not You video??
If it is I will be proud of myself for spotting her because I’m usually pretty bad at that. Like tonight at the premiere of Miami Vice where celebrity after celebrity were getting out of limos on Pennsylvania and Lincoln road and I was always like “Who’s that??”. My own parents could walk by in front of me and I probably wouldn’t recognize them unless I was expecting them.
Oh, also… I keep forgetting to share this and I’ve known for more than a month… But there WILL be a 2nd season of 8th & Ocean!! H00RAY!!

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Jul 25 2006

Apple Store Pics

Here are some pics from the Lincoln Road Apple Store grand opening on Friday. I didn’t take these pics… I wasn’t even there. It’s an Apple store, ok? I’ve been to like 6 of them before. It’s not like I’m going to see something that I haven’t already seen. And it was raining. Do you think I want to stand in line in the rain to get into a store? I don’t think so! Mexicans melt in the rain!!
That’s about all I have to say about that. (Actually it’s not, but I’m going to bite my tongue about not seeing any zOMG hawt chyxXx0rZ in any of the pics, or how scary/uncool the whole demographic seems to be. I thought Macs were for cool kids??)

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Jul 19 2006

For real OH NOSE!!!


So, guess what happened at home while I was at work this morning…
If you see any crackheads running around South Beach with a Dell Latitude in hand, IT’S MINE!!

I can’t wait until they go back for the rest of my cool stuff.

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Jul 19 2006

so moist with anticipation!!


Click on the image to watch the trailer for Rath Films’ Too Weak to Walk. The intro is kind of funny, especially the lady that loses her hair.
But then it gets really good! How many MONTHS do I have to wait for this to reach South Beach? Life is so unfair!

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Jul 19 2006

The highlight of my evening… Chatting with a bot!

First of all, why is this annoying me so much? I haven’t left a comment yet, and likely won’t, but I can’t just let it go either. It will probably keep me from getting to sleep tonight. Someone needs to be schooled on how things are down here.

Unrelated:
I don’t chat very much, and when I do, it’s almost always initiated by the other person. If you ever want to chat with me, (and have me take you seriously) please know the difference between “your” and “you’re” and “they’re”, “their”, and “there”! Seriously!!
Having said that, here is my latest chatlog with a stranger. (as if I couldn’t see where this was going from the get-go!) It’s not overly lollers (I’ve had quite a few way funnier than this one) but it’s ok mainly because it’s short.

krazedagritator is currently not in your Messenger List.
Add to your Messenger List (Ctrl+Shift+A) Report as Spam (Alt+Shift+R)

krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:45:24 AM): hi… anyon there?
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:46:52 AM): well anywayy, guess your not there?
FANLESS (7/19/2006 12:47:24 AM): yes, hi.
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:47:28 AM): o your there hi…
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:48:23 AM): a/s/l (age sex location)?
FANLESS (7/19/2006 12:48:46 AM): 31/fat little boy/miami beach florida.
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:48:53 AM): im 27/f/USA. was lookin at your profile. thought you might like to chat.
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:49:04 AM): so what have you been up to fanless?
FANLESS (7/19/2006 12:49:11 AM): very little.
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:49:42 AM): cool. i was just hangin out watching tv. i was getting kinda horny (*blushes)
FANLESS (7/19/2006 12:49:59 AM): interesting
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:50:15 AM): feel like a liittle cyber fun with me ? please please…
FANLESS (7/19/2006 12:50:40 AM): i don’t think so.
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:51:07 AM): aalright how bout i get down on my knees in front of you and help you out of your pants?
FANLESS (7/19/2006 12:51:36 AM): that doesn’t sound very smart.
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:51:57 AM): tell me what you want me to do with yyou while i slip out of my panties
FANLESS (7/19/2006 12:52:44 AM): would your mother approve of that?
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:53:00 AM): oh yeahbabe.. dont stop. while i slide my hand down between my legs and part my moist lips
FANLESS (7/19/2006 12:54:09 AM): speaking of lips… Did you know that the tooth brush was invented in Oklahoma? If it had been invented anywhere else, they would have called it a “teeth brush”!
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:54:37 AM): oh it feels so good. Im holding your pulsing cock in my hand, my shiny red fingernails dig gently into your balls, while my full, soft lips engulf the mass of your meat
FANLESS (7/19/2006 12:55:03 AM): Meat? I am vegan!!
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:55:17 AM): open my website so you can look at me while im sucking you. use the link inmy profile!
FANLESS (7/19/2006 12:55:35 AM): I don’t have the innernets.
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:55:41 AM): what do you think of my pics?
FANLESS (7/19/2006 12:56:39 AM): I think they could use some adjustments with curves, levels, brightness/contrast, and hue/saturation. Oh, and a little smart sharpen too.
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:57:02 AM): shit the phone. dont stop strooking it. hold on…
FANLESS (7/19/2006 12:57:37 AM): how convenient!
krazedagritator (7/19/2006 12:57:57 AM): sorry, I have to take this call, probly take bout five minutes. If you want, come to my page and lets finish this. I have my cam on there cyberfungirls dot com look for me on there
FANLESS (7/19/2006 12:58:31 AM): o hay let me write that down!!

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Jul 18 2006

World Jump Day – July 20th, 11:39:13 GMT

Dear innernets,
I am writing you to inform/remind you that July 20th is World Jump Day! According to the website, if 600 million people in the western hemisphere jumped at the same moment, we would be able to change the Earth’s orbit enough to stop global warming (and some other things would happen).
I’m willing to do my part… Are you?
Thanks for your fealty!
-Christian

Oh, P.S.: You’re probably like “Hey, Christian… I thought you were fighting Global Warming by being cool??” Well, yeah… I am! Unfortunately, so many people are like “zOMG CHRISTIAN IS SO HOTT!!” that my coolness is being negated. Even when I turn the cool up to 11! I try to facilitate things by getting fatter and lazier, but it doesn’t seem to help. I’m sorry. I’m trying to do my part but I’m only one guy. Maybe if the rest of you were a little cooler then I wouldn’t have to run my AC 12 out of 12 months a year.

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Jul 18 2006

This video is A+++!

I typed out a big long story about this video, but I decided to keep it to myself.
Here is a keyword for myself in case I ever forget what I typed about: frustrating!
And if you really want to know about it, I might be inclined to tell you if you ask nicely.
Also… I smell Mormon!

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Jul 17 2006

retarded

It’s 10:29 AM and the phone has just been answered for the first time today. We (supposedly) open at 10 AM. There are 5 people up front that apparently are waiting for some sort of service. SUCKERS! Oh, and the UPS guy looks like he’s waiting for a signature. AND the fire inspector or whatever has been here since before I showed up, I guess waiting to talk to someone.
This place is so ridiculous! I like my job and everyone here, but this place could be so much more. And you’re probably wondering why I’m bitching about it and not answering the phone, signing for packages and whatever else needs to be done. Well, blame gets passed around here so much that I’m not willing to do anything other than what I’m told to do. It’s really not worth it. Think about it… My paycheck is going to be the same amount regardless… Why would I complicate my life with answering the phone and tending to other things when they will keep me from doing the things I am paid to do? Sure, helping people out might get them to be returning customers, but that just means more work for me to not have time to do because I’m busy answering the phone and helping customers.
I’m just going to stick to ignoring the people up front and the ringing phones, and do what I know I need to do.
HAHAHA!!! Just as I was about to post this someone up front said “HELLO? IS SOMEONE GOING TO HELP ME??”
I just ignored them.

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Jul 16 2006

The ultimate OH NOSE!!

p0wnd!

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Jul 13 2006

more lolz

These are potentially not safe for work.

AZNZ ARE WEIRD!

This one isn’t very funny, but I have a feeling that it would be interesting to watch while frying balls.

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Jul 13 2006

Don’t mind me, I’m just taking a piss…


…so there I am at work, and I look up from my computer and I see this woman sticking her hands up her dress. Naturally, I grab my camera because lulz are for sure going to ensue. I’m expecting her to pull down some of the gnarliest drawers ever worn by a human, but then I notice that she actually has a plastic cup in her hand.
She stands there for a bit, taking care of business, apparently finishes, pours her piss onto The AveNEW, puts the cup into her plastic bag of belongings, and continues down the sidewalk.
It was the most amazing thing I have seen all week!
(I’m sorry these pics are so blown out. In my excitement over capturing such a lollertastic moment, I forgot my camera was still set for taking pics of fireworks on the 4th or something. oops! I actually took 17 pics of her, but these will have to suffice.)

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