Jul 18 2006

This video is A+++!

I typed out a big long story about this video, but I decided to keep it to myself.
Here is a keyword for myself in case I ever forget what I typed about: frustrating!
And if you really want to know about it, I might be inclined to tell you if you ask nicely.
Also… I smell Mormon!

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Jul 17 2006

retarded

It’s 10:29 AM and the phone has just been answered for the first time today. We (supposedly) open at 10 AM. There are 5 people up front that apparently are waiting for some sort of service. SUCKERS! Oh, and the UPS guy looks like he’s waiting for a signature. AND the fire inspector or whatever has been here since before I showed up, I guess waiting to talk to someone.
This place is so ridiculous! I like my job and everyone here, but this place could be so much more. And you’re probably wondering why I’m bitching about it and not answering the phone, signing for packages and whatever else needs to be done. Well, blame gets passed around here so much that I’m not willing to do anything other than what I’m told to do. It’s really not worth it. Think about it… My paycheck is going to be the same amount regardless… Why would I complicate my life with answering the phone and tending to other things when they will keep me from doing the things I am paid to do? Sure, helping people out might get them to be returning customers, but that just means more work for me to not have time to do because I’m busy answering the phone and helping customers.
I’m just going to stick to ignoring the people up front and the ringing phones, and do what I know I need to do.
HAHAHA!!! Just as I was about to post this someone up front said “HELLO? IS SOMEONE GOING TO HELP ME??”
I just ignored them.

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Jul 16 2006

The ultimate OH NOSE!!

p0wnd!

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Jul 13 2006

more lolz

These are potentially not safe for work.

AZNZ ARE WEIRD!

This one isn’t very funny, but I have a feeling that it would be interesting to watch while frying balls.

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Jul 13 2006

Don’t mind me, I’m just taking a piss…


…so there I am at work, and I look up from my computer and I see this woman sticking her hands up her dress. Naturally, I grab my camera because lulz are for sure going to ensue. I’m expecting her to pull down some of the gnarliest drawers ever worn by a human, but then I notice that she actually has a plastic cup in her hand.
She stands there for a bit, taking care of business, apparently finishes, pours her piss onto The AveNEW, puts the cup into her plastic bag of belongings, and continues down the sidewalk.
It was the most amazing thing I have seen all week!
(I’m sorry these pics are so blown out. In my excitement over capturing such a lollertastic moment, I forgot my camera was still set for taking pics of fireworks on the 4th or something. oops! I actually took 17 pics of her, but these will have to suffice.)

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Jul 11 2006

a work in progress.

It’s been several months since I’ve done this, but just in case you were wondering, as of today, NoFuckinAround.com will create a 2987 page/211 MB .PDF file when converted using ljbook.com.
Talk about an epic novel about the stupidist shit you can think of. And hey, it only took me just under 6 years to type it all out.
I’d put the pdf on the innernets, but I included the private entries too. Maybe the next time I’m bored and lazy I’ll create a public version.
Oh, also… There are now 1462 F-bombs in the file, as opposed to 1265 9 months ago. What the fuck do you fucking expect from the fucking guy that fucking owns fuckyouyafuckinfuckfuck.com??

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Jul 11 2006

Lincoln Road Apple Store and some digression about my friends.

According to this post, the Lincoln Road Apple Store is opening on Saturday. I won’t be one of the first 1000 customers that gets a free t-shirt… I’ll be riding at Markham. I’m an idiot for making plans for Saturday on Monday! And the whole thing got started because I accidentally called Carl instead of Chad, and when Carl answered I was like… “Oh, uh… Hey, do you wanna go riding on Saturday??” instead of admitting my mistake. And then I called Raul and Brandon and told them that IT’S ON!! so I can’t back out now. Especially not to visit an Apple store opening.
Speaking of Chad… I think he must be mad at me, but I have no idea why. I’ve left him like 6 messages to call me since Mother’s day, and he finally answered yesterday, but straight away he was like “Can I call you back?” and I was like sure. I’m still waiting for him to call me back! All I wanted to do was tell him that I got the beta of Gran Turismo 4 Online for PS2, and he can have it because my memory card is in West Palm so I can’t even really play it.
I called Kim last night to see if Chad is mad at me or what, and when she answered straight away she was like “Can I call you back?” and I was like sure. I’m still waiting for her to call me back!
I need new friends!
But anyways… Back to the Apple Store…

Have you seen the front of the new store?? I was wondering why they had all that scaffolding and stuff up there. I guess it looks ok. I’m kind of undecided.

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Jul 11 2006

IsCastroDead.com

Hello, does anyone own the copyright to an image of Castro that I could use on my awesome new website, IsCastroDead.com??? (currently just forwarding to FANLESS.com because I am lazy.)
Actually, I would like to have 2 pics… One where he looks healthy and one where he looks dead.
PLZ ADVISE!
Here’s what I’m thinking… A simple web page that displays a picture of Fidel Castro… If he’s still alive, then the healthy pic shows up… If he’s dead, then you get the dead pic. Along with that, I’d like to have a Firefox extention much like the Terri Schiavo Status extension. I’d also want to have a Dashboard widget for Mac OS X and a widget for the Yahoo! Widget Engine.
Sounds reasonable, right? I wish I was smrt enough/not so lazy to actually pull it off.
Oh, I almost forgot… GOOGLE ADS so I can get rich and even more famous and retire on South Beach at the ripe old age of 32.
At that rate, I’d hope Castro NEVER dies so people will keep checking in to see if he’s alive.

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Jul 10 2006

Early Warning

**ATTENTION STALKERS**
I have a tentative plan to go riding at Markham Park on Saturday morning. I don’t know when exactly “morning” is, but I wouldn’t expect it to be before 9 AM. Carl says he is going… Raul is going/giving me a ride. I’m trying to get Brandon to go. He keeps saying he’s getting a new bike, but he’s been saying that for many weeks so I don’t know if it is ever going to happen. Raul will probably talk to Jack and maybe he will show up. It would be awesome if Chad went too.

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Jul 10 2006

videos

Check out how awesome the videos my camera makes are zOMG!!! Also, I don’t know who that person talking is.

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Jul 9 2006

South Beach World Cup Aftermath – Italy wins and France still sucks!

Hey guys, I think the Miami Dolphins won the World Series or something!!


Ocean Drive, Miami Beach FL.


Check out Mario Andretti’s Crunk Cup!!


How many Italia fans can you fit into the back of a truck??



Does it get any more Italian than this? (I see this guy like every day and he is very creepy/cracked out/???!)


…oh, actually… Yeah, it does!

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Jul 8 2006

Ouch, my ego!!

*******NEWS FLASH*******
Myspace.com user crazi_wild_lova says: “no wonder ure single .. have u looked in the mirror lately? or your myspace for that matter? u may have friends but ure still a nerd and a freak and a screwup and where was this headed again??oh yeah dumm ass! p.s:ure myspace was on primetime moron!”

OH NOSE!!

MY SECRETS ARE OUT!!1oneOneELEVENTYONE!11!!11
(insert eyeroll here)

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Jul 7 2006

Beach Patrol: Miami Beach

Hey guys, don’t forget that Beach Patrol: Miami Beach premieres on Monday night on Court TV at 8 PM!

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Jul 6 2006

It’s a Sledgehammer!

Andre’s kid, Aaron, is here from Denmark for the summer, and he brought a friend. I think they’re both 10 years old. I loaned them my GT Show and Gary Fisher Lush Rush Cruiser for them to ride while they’re here. The only problem (besides 4 flat tires) was that my cruiser’s rear wheel was severely out of true. Andre took it to Fritz’s today, and they said it had 7 broken spokes! OOOPS!! Is my ass that fat, or do I ride that hard? It’s getting fixed right now.

Introducing my next bike!

It’s a (Volume) Sledgehammer!!



It’s like a regular BMX cruiser, except it has 26″ wheels like on a mountain bike. I am currently saving some money so I can buy one ASAP. I can’t wait to take it off of some sweet jumps.

On a somewhat related note, call me right now to hear my totally awesome answer tone, and then call me again after 8 PM to hear a different one.
I think answer tones are pretty much the best thing ever to happen to cell phones.

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